5 Ways to Create a Calm Safe Space for Yourself

It is so easy to get sucked into day to day life: errands, work, family, school, kids, partner, friends, meals…. All of it can be so overwhelming. If you struggle to find time to calm down – both body and mind – try these 5 things.

1. Start a Daily Routine

It is so much easier to stick to a schedule than finding time in the midst of a busy day for a breather. And having even 15 minutes to yourself can be a game changer for your day. Many people find that first thing in the morning is the best time – they have a chance to “reset” and prepare for the day ahead. Usually there are no immediate demands first thing in the morning so it is less likely that you will become distracted If you do have demands first thing (hello babies) try setting your alarm for 15 minutes earlier. Other people like to have a mid-day break. They find it separates their day into manageable chunks allowing them to more easily shift focus between tasks. It can also help with the monotony of the day. While others enjoy powering through their day and then releasing all the pent up feelings and activity with an end of the day re-set. Whichever time works best for your schedule, try to stick with it for at least a few weeks. It’s worth the effort!

2. Make an Announcement

Tell the people around you what you are doing. Explain what you are up to and why; your people will be supportive and deferential to that time. It helps keep you accountable for doing something for yourself and allows others to support you and your wellbeing. When people in your support network begin to notice a change in you, they might want to join in!

3. Choose Your Activity Wisely

The idea is to give you a break from the hustle and bustle. Choosing to “quietly shop on Amazon for diapers” or “breathe while in rush hour traffic” is not exactly what we are going for. Try doing something you enjoy and that will give your mind and body a break from the constant noise (both mental noise and outside noise). Try meditating, yoga, stretching, walking in nature, lying in the sun, reading, swinging on a porch, etc. Anything that is a break from your usual activity and is relatively quiet. Some people like the same activity every day and others vary it daily. That’s up to you! Listen to body and mind and decide what is best for you.

4. Set Aside Space in Your Environment

If you’ll be indoors, set up a special place that you can go to for your “calm time”. This can be challenging in busy households and living situations. Look at big closets, a chair in the corner of a room, an unused space in the basement perhaps? There are many ways to make a small space cozy and inviting with pillows, candles, a blanket, etc. A place that is reserved just for “calm time” will help signal to your brain and body that it’s time to let go for a few minutes.

5. Commit to Yourself

Make a commitment to choose yourself as a priority. Study after study has found that people need quiet, calm time built into their day. Every day. Choose you and your well being; without filling your own cup, it is difficult to fill others’. Be kind to you.

Chaos to Calm

Reflecting on the past few months is a challenge. It seems surreal and yet oddly comforting. The downtime was simultaneously welcoming (dare I say needed?) and despised. Some people focused on making the most of it and others let negativity drive them. How dare some virus do this? How dare others tell me what I can and cannot do? Everything is closed? But, I have to admit, I was one of the people that reveled in the chance to go nowhere and do nothing. It was glorious until the reality of being home all the time, every day set in. Oh, how we trick ourselves until we get smacked with reality! The cooking, cleaning, working, teaching and exercising all at home, all of the time, nonstop, became overwhelming. The daily living as a single, working parent to four children was shockingly not the relaxed, break from reality I thought it would be. To add insult to injury, FaceBook, Instagram and TikToc fired up with *other* people that were learning ancient languages, new art skills and writing novels. Huh? Seriously?!? I could hardly keep up with balancing my work, the children’s schedules and virtual learning, the cooking (all. the. cooking.) and cleaning. What did I do when the social media highlight reals started rolling in and the chaos of it all hit me hard? Yoga.

Lots of yoga, breathing, meditation and journaling. They have been my lifelines. I had to remind myself to go back to basics and live in the moment. Stop comparing myself to others. That I am doing just fine. Once I did that, I created space for myself and my children to relax, thrive and connect during this time. I am also grateful for the time to focus on me. But, man it is difficult to extricate sometimes! Once I did, it was well worth it. For the most part, I got quiet with myself and listened. And just breathed.

To turn the clock back and give some background, just over one year before the pandemic began: I had just gotten divorced – it was messy and continues to be, bought a house requiring two moves in under one year, became a part-time single parent to two children and a full-time single parent to two children (yes, I have 4 beautiful children) and also began working outside the home for the first time in 17+ years. My. Plate. Was. Full.

When the pandemic resulted in lockdowns, I turned inward. This time has been personal turning point for me. I made some difficult decisions during this time, but ones that I know are in line with my higher self. To say it has been emotionally grueling is a drastic understatement. I have done a lot of inner work. Shadow work that I have been avoiding because of the busy-ness of “regular” life. Believe me, I still have a ways to go! I focus more on feelings now and try to align with what feels good. I notice my vibration and try to focus on raising it. Positive affirmations have done wonders. And my journal. I didn’t realize how important it would be for me to actually write out what I was thinking and feeling. Life changing.

My nature is to turn to outside sources for validation. One of the ways I do this by reading a lot of books. When I say a lot of books, I mean it is possible I was keeping Amazon’s book department fully employed. I also turned to spirituality and learned Tarot. I now have 6 decks of cards that I choose a deck (or two) to pull from daily. I have been paying attention to signs, synchronicities and my intuition. It’s amazing how these changes have impacted me and helped me grow and become a better version of myself. I show up for myself and my family differently these days. I am so grateful I had this time to truly slow down and reflect.

I guess what I am saying is that in this time of perceived chaos maybe the answer is to calm the storm within. Breathe, be in nature, meditate, journal or connect with yourself in whatever manner rings true for you while the world is still at a slower pace. One of best decisions I have made is to affirmatively decide to keep my life at this pace. That means there will be more upcoming changes ahead and I am excited for them. Rather then allowing life to happen to me, I am choosing to create my reality. I like it here in the quiet inner work, the gratefulness I look at the world, the calm and safe home I have created for my children.

I choose to stay here. Where are you choosing to be?

What’s Your Story

Do you ever have this nagging feeling that you’re being led to something? Like, a pull towards an invisible force that you can’t quite put your finger on? Maybe even there are fleeting moments when you think there is clarity but it goes behind the clouds again. A dream that you remember clearly immediately upon waking, but forget in the first few moments of wakefulness and then can only conjure up fragments of later. And it’s important. You know deep down, it’s crucial you figure it out? No? Just me? I don’t think so.

I am certain I am not the only one that struggles with that. Why tell my story? Maybe I’m so weird that no one will be able to relate? But, I have a sneaking suspicion that is not the case. Of course, everyone has their own, unique story. I am not saying otherwise. And I love a good story. I am so interested to hear about other’s life experiences. I always have been. Lay it on me, I want to know!

I have mentioned that I read a lot. Like, A LOT. I also listen to podcasts and YouTube a lot. I have found so many that resonate deeply with me. How words can move and connect people! I have heard so much that resonated it has saved me at times. I’m not being dramatic. I mean it. Saved my life. Quotes, stories, books, videos – they brought me back from the brink of ending it all.

This is not a pity party. I am saying, that if I tell my story and help one person turn around and make a different decision, then I have succeeded. So, I do not drop the idea of suicide lightly. I’ve had dark, dark days as many others have. But maybe the more I speak up, the safer other’s will feel to do the same. Maybe they will also be able to draw strength from my words (and others) and choose to stay. I needed a safe place to stay. Turns out, I had to create that for myself. I am strong because of it.

Can I create a safe place for you?

The Determined Caboose

“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…” I’m still learning the ins and outs of this. I’ve never really been a “techie”. But, that is just a label anyway and I am determined to figure this out and forge ahead.

That’s one thing that I do have going for me, determination. I have always excelled at choosing a target and then making it happen. I’m a pretty reserved person though, so usually I don’t even share my “target” with anyone. I just work hard and make it happen. Take this blog for example, no one knows I’ve even started it. Why? Because it’s not my way. I *do* want to reach people with my blog. I just don’t want the attention of “trying to make it happen”. I’ll let peeps know that I’m working on something but I want to accomplish things and work on my goals alone first.

Maybe it’s a fear of failure. If others know exactly what I’m up to and it doesn’t work out, I have failed. Maybe. Although in those cases, I tend to think of it as a learning experience and what can I use to be more successful next time. Or maybe it’s a fear of not being enough. OK – that might be more closer to home. Not enough…what a loaded thought.

  • Not enough determination
  • Not enough hard work
  • Not enough good decision making
  • Not enough positivity (ironic huh?)
  • Not enough practical knowledge
  • Not enough vision and focus
  • Not Enough…….

Obviously, I continue to struggle with this one. I am making a not-so-secret determination here: Change my inner dialogue to “I AM ENOUGH”. I’ll let you know how it works out. I’ll keep you posted. Afterall, I am determined.

Little ‘Ole Me? Well…

Sometimes you just have to rip the bandaid off. This is one of those times. I’m trying new things these days. But, really, I think it’s more accurate to say that I’m finally trying to get out all the things that I’ve always felt inside. You know? It’s scary but also remarkably freeing. Like coming home to myself. So here I am; going for it. And, I have big plans. This is only the beginning….

I came to yoga many years ago. It called to me in the way only things you despise at first but can’t stop indulging in. I remember that first down dog and the instructor proclaiming, “this is your resting posture!” My dignity and pride kept me in the class because the rest of my body was yelling something like, “save yourself! RUN!!” But, I kept going back. I wanted down dog to be my resting posture – it was the goal. I had something to work towards and I kept at it. And then…life happened. My mom was diagnosed with cancer. I did yoga even more intently. I listened to my body, followed cues, watched other yogis in class and progressed. As did her cancer. I did yoga postures in her hospital room. It saved me many times in those dark hours. After she passed away, I took a break from yoga. I couldn’t find my rhythm again. Until a friend brought me to a new studio.

From there, my dive in yoga, meditation, and all things a bit outside the box started to come together. My vegetarian phase, tie dyed t-shirt phase, eastern medicine phase, tarot card phase, incense phase, all of it started to bubble back up. I finally felt home. At the same time as my yoga intensified, I also began a journey of self discovery and improvement. While attending a seminar that asked what we want to do in the future and how we each could make an impact on others, the mantra “calm, safe space” kept going through my mind. It hasn’t stopped. I am now on a quest to find what this mantra means for me and how I can impact others.

Why do this blog?

  • Because in order for my mission to become a reality, I have to put it out into the universe. I have to give it words and breath life into it. Only when this thought – this idea – is given words and language will it get meaning.
  • I hope this picks up momentum. I hope I reach people. I hope I touch people’s lives in a meaningful way. I hope to create space for people to just be themselves.
  • I want for my children to know that I worked to create a Calm, Safe Space for them and others because it’s vitally important everyone feels that within so they can share it outside.

Another reason to begin here, is that…well, I’m just beginning. Just starting to clarify in my own mind what this means and how to implement this vision. I’m hoping that others will have suggestions, ideas, thoughts, anything they might share to further this goal. I’d love to hear them!

I’m sure this blog will evolve as I do and my ideas crystalize. I have many ideas but will need to focus them down. I’ll share as I do that and hope to hear back from you all.

For now, peace, love, light, and a calm, safe place.